By Hazel Holland
About a year after God miraculously healed me from painful childhood memories, He spoke very clearly to me one weekend while I was attending a Seventh-day Adventist (SDA) Women's Retreat in Flagstaff, Arizona. Not only was this experience another turning point in my spiritual journey, but it also demonstrates for us how God determines the gifts we will receive. Through this spiritual encounter, the Spirit began to place within the womb of my heart the passionate love of the Father's heart for His children, especially those within the Seventh-day Adventist Church.
In May of 1995 I was part of a team of people from Celebration Center (CC) who presented “A Wedding Drama” at the Arizona Seventh-day Adventist Women's Conference. After the Saturday evening program some of us were relaxing in the hotel Jacuzzi, sharing our thoughts about God's presence in the events of the evening. In the course of conversation I learned that Myrna, the fourth lady in our room who had not been with us Friday night, would be joining us shortly. Quietly I excused myself and hurried up to my room ahead of the others, hoping to be asleep before they arrived. I had heard that Myrna snored loudly, and because I sleep lightly, it seemed in my best interest to fall asleep first.
As much as I tried, sleep would not come. Although I was tired from the intense evening schedule, my mind insisted on recounting each scene in the wedding drama we had just put on. I wondered how many of the people watching it had been touched by the Spirit’s presence as I had been.
All too soon the women returned from the Jacuzzi. Seeing I was already in bed and appeared to be asleep, they moved about in hushed tones. Soon the lights were out, and everyone was quiet. But not for long. My snoring sister was in good form. As her snoring began, I pulled the covers over my head. When that didn't muffle the sound, I tried the pillow. Feeling exhausted and helpless, I began complaining to God. Immediately, I heard a very clear internal command. "PRAY!" Perhaps that would take my mind off my own selfish desire for sleep. As I began to pray, I received another strong urging; this time it was to lift up my hands as I prayed. I obeyed.
Never before had I lain in bed with my hands raised up in prayer to God. And now God was compelling me to do this in a hotel room with three others to witness my strange behavior. To my amazement the snoring stopped. I continued praying, thanking the Lord for a few minutes, before slowly lowering my hands. As I turned over on my side, planning to quickly fall asleep, the snoring resumed with greater intensity than before. Quickly, I raised my hands again in prayer, and the snoring ceased.
"Lord, what is going on?" I complained. “It's midnight! I can't keep my hands up all night. I'm tired. I need to get some sleep. You know I’ve got a long drive tomorrow.”
As I lay there facing the wall opposite from the snoring, I felt Debbie (my bedmate), who was nearer to Myrna than I, reach across to the other bed and gently give her a little shake. Immediately the snoring stopped—for a minute. Then it started up again.
This scenario was repeated several times. As soon as I lowered my arms, the snoring would return. Then Debbie would reach over and shake Myrna, and the snoring would cease for a time. As it started up again, I would lift up my hands in prayer and the snoring would stop. To make matters worse, a gnawing pain in my right leg began to bother me, the late result of a pinched nerve in my thigh that I had received months earlier. Knowing I had some pain pills in the bathroom, I climbed out of bed, hoping I could at least do something to alleviate that problem.
On my way back from the bathroom I had to walk by the foot of Myrna's bed. Again came the strong urge to lift up my hands and pray. I obeyed. Again the snoring stopped.
“Lord, I know you're trying to teach me something.” I was getting nervous. “But please don't let Myrna wake up, or anyone else for that matter, and see me standing like this at the foot of the bed. I'll scare them to death!”
I hurried back to my bed, hoping to fall asleep while everything was quiet. But after a couple of minutes the snoring resumed again. Debbie sprang into action. She gave Myrna one last bold shake that shook both of our beds. Instantly Myrna stopped snoring and quietly slipped out of bed. I heard a door close. Now is my chance, I thought. "Lord, please let her stay long enough in the bathroom for Debbie and me to get some sleep!"
Some time later in the early morning I woke up. Everything was quiet. Then I heard God's voice speak clearly in my mind. "You asked Me earlier what is going on. Let Me explain... Myrna is My child. She represents the church—the SDA church that is asleep. She not only must be shaken awake, but hands must be lifted up in continual intercession1on her behalf."
I lay there in bed with tears streaming down my face as I pondered those weighty words, and felt the deep, deep love of the Father's heart for the SDA church. I don’t know for how long I wept and prayed. But I do know that God’s heart of love is so deep and so wide and so high that it encompasses the whole world, and yet He has room in His heart for you and me. He has room in His heart for the leadership of the SDA church who has so misrepresented and distorted the new covenant gospel of Jesus Christ. (Even though I was still an SDA at this time I was beginning to realize that the church's teachings didn't line up with the new covenant gospel that was becoming more and more precious to me).
Several hours later I woke up again as I heard the bedroom door creak open. Myrna crept apologetically into the room. It was then I realized that she had not gone to the bathroom earlier as I had supposed, but had gone to another room to sleep.
"Don't apologize!" I insisted as I held up my hand. "God used you last night in a powerful way!"
"What? He did? How?" she challenged.
Excitedly, I recounted to her and the other women the "events" of the night, and what the Lord had revealed to me. Debbie was surprised to hear of my strange behavior because she never saw a thing.
Soon the women were up and about, hurrying to get bathed and dressed so they would be on time for breakfast. Hoping to catch a few more minutes’ rest, I decided to skip the meal, and volunteered to be last in the bathroom. When the room was quiet, I reluctantly got out of bed, hoping I still had enough time to make it to the last morning session.
Audible Voice of the Lord
I was in the bathroom drying my hair. Suddenly, above the din of the hair dryer, I heard a clear, audible voice from above me say, "I want to give you a double portion of My Spirit!" Unlike the earlier inner message that had been spoken to my heart by the Holy Spirit in the early morning hours, this voice was unmistakably real, audible, and outside of me. It also was the voice of God!
I spun around. No one was there. Immediately the story of Elisha flashed through my mind. I remembered how he had asked Elijah for a double portion of His Spirit before he was taken to heaven in a fiery chariot. It was years since I had read or even thought about that story. I was awed by the possibility that God wanted to give me a blessing like that. To my mind at that time, such giftings were reserved for rare, special people—like prophets in the Old Testament—not for single, divorced women like me.
As soon as I shared my incredible experience with my friend Margo, she understood the word she had received from the Lord earlier that weekend. Together, she and another friend, Donna, obediently laid hands on me and prayed for me to receive whatever gifts the Holy Spirit wanted to give me.
My request from the Lord at that time was to receive more of His unconditional love so I would have a greater capacity to love His children—particularly the learning-handicapped students that I taught in public elementary school at that time. As my Adventist friends laid hands on me and prayed I felt a certain amount of discomfort because Margo’s hands began to shake uncontrollably as she poured out her heart to God on my behalf. This was something I wasn’t used to and hadn’t witnessed before, so I felt a little cautious and amazed.
However, since that May morning over eleven years ago now, my life in the Lord has not been the same. I have become consumed with an insatiable hunger to know Him intimately. As I have chosen to spend more time lingering in His presence He has faithfully made Himself known to me through His Spirit and His Word. Intimate communication with the Father throughout the day has become my greatest joy and source of delight. To know Jesus is to love Him passionately. I desire to obey His voice more than the clamoring of my own heart. He has become my life.
Receiving a Double Portion
As I began to review how God called various people throughout history to do a specific work, I realized that I had also been called and set apart for God’s purposes. Since I had responded with a “Yes, Lord!” when God had told me He wanted to give me a double portion of His Spirit, I had received that blessing by faith. Although no precious oil had been poured over my head like Aaron and other biblical characters had experienced, I was lovingly anointed2 by God and inducted into His service. I knew by faith that I had received a double portion of God’s Spirit even though I had no special feeling or physical evidence of it at the time. Like Elisha who grabbed hold of Elijah’s mantle as it fell from the heavens, I grabbed hold of God’s promise and held it close to my heart, knowing that He would reveal what His purposes were for me in His time.
Ever since that day when hands were laid upon me and friends prayed that I might receive whatever gifts the Holy Spirit wanted to give me, I have been experiencing a growing and deepening awareness of the passionate love in the Father’s heart for His children. I didn’t realize until many months later that during my midnight encounter with the Lord, He had planted a seed in me. As the months and years have gone by I am able to look back to that time in my life and trace that experience to the birthing of God’s heart in me for prophetic intercession. This was the beginning of the call upon my life to “stand in the gap” and cry out to God for those who did not know the Father’s love.
God didn’t have to speak to me in an audible voice in order to get my attention. He already had my attention. I had already committed my life to loving and serving Him. But from that moment to this He has had my undivided attention.
Undivided Attention
God has a plan to get your undivided attention also. I am reminded of a story I read recently that illustrates how God sometimes has to get our attention by using unconventional methods. In this story it was a brick. What will He use to get your attention?
A young executive was driving his brand new Jaguar in an area where there were usually several children playing in the street. He thought he saw something darting out from between parked cars and slowed down.
As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's passenger door! He slammed on the brakes and spun the Jag back to the spot from where the brick had been thrown. He jumped out of the car, grabbed some kid and pushed him up against a parked car, shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing?" Building up a head of steam he went on. "That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?"
"Please, mister, please. I'm sorry, I didn't know what else to do!" pleaded the youngster. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..." tears were dripping down the boy’s chin as he pointed around the parked car. "It's my brother," he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."
Sobbing, the boy asked the executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."
Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He lifted the young man back into the wheelchair and took out his handkerchief and wiped the scrapes and cuts, checking to see that everything was going to be okay.
"Thank you and God bless you," the grateful child said to him.
The man then watched the little boy push his brother down the sidewalk toward their home. It was a long walk back to his Jaguar—a long, slow walk. He never did repair the passenger door. He kept the dent to remind him not to go through life so fast that someone had to throw a brick at him in order to get his attention.
God whispers in our ears and speaks to our hearts through His Spirit all the time. But sometimes when we don't take the time to listen, He has to throw a "brick" at us. It's our choice. Will we listen for the whisper of His voice—or wait for the brick?
As you read some of the words that I have received from the Lord, and posted on my blogs, you may recognize that God has thrown a “brick” at you in order to get your attention. Others of you will perhaps see that the Adventist church is like the crippled little boy in this story who fell out of his wheelchair. Others may see that the Adventist church is more like the executive driving the brand new Jaguar, and that fixing the dent in the passenger door is going to cost the church a lot of money. Still others may see that the dent in the “door” should be left alone. Perhaps some will say that God can use it for His glory if the corporate leadership of the SDA church publicly repents of covering up its unbiblical teachings, confesses its deceptive practices, and changes its foundational beliefs to be in line with the new covenant gospel.
One thing becomes very clear to me in the above analogy. We can’t lift our handicapped “brother” back into his wheelchair. We need a Good Samaritan to come along who will pour healing oil into the scrapes and cuts and bandage up his wounds. Only in Christ is there healing from this kind of a fall!
I am reminded of how God set a bush on fire out in the middle of the desert, because He wanted to get Moses undivided attention? When the Lord saw that He had caught Moses’ attention (Exodus 3:4), He began to share with Moses His plan to use him to free a nation crying out to God because of the oppressor. Moses was being called to be their deliverer after dwelling in the desert for forty years. Gone was the proud and independent spirit of the former prince of Egypt. As a broken and repentant man, he humbled himself before the Lord and felt totally inadequate for the job God was calling him to do. It was in this place of weakness, brokenness and submission that God could now use him. It will be the same with us. It will be the same for the corporate leadership of the Adventist church. Repentance is the key that opens the door for God to rebuild upon our ruins.
Why did God choose to get Moses undivided attention through a burning bush? Perhaps because one of God’s attributes is that He is a consuming fire. Although He is a consuming fire, the bush was not consumed. Although He is a consuming fire, we are not consumed. The refining fire of His presence consumes only the dross in our lives, but the gold remains. If we submit to His loving discipline the remaining gold will be polished until we become transparent vessels, able to reflect His glory—the glory of His finished work.
If the Lord has now got your undivided attention, remember—He is the Relentless Pursuer! He will do whatever it takes to capture your heart so that you have only eyes for Him!
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